They say “The best way to come out of one’s guilt is to confess!”
The other day I was feeling very low. I was thinking about all the bad things that I have done so far. What conspicuously hit me were the two incidences when I yelled at my mom like a crazy dog… that too for no fault of hers. I remembered them distinctly because I also made her cry then… :(
I know children always take their mothers for granted. In a family like ours, my father, though is not a very strict person at all by nature had a different understanding with us. We used to talk to him a lot… I loved playing Chess with him. But I could never talk to him as a friend and goes without saying…. Could never take him “for granted”. On the other hand, my mother was always like a friend to me. I talked everything out to her… even my crushes!!! Guess that was the reason why I took her so much for granted…
I have had fights with my mom, but I made it a point never to yell at her, but for these two instances. They were not some big issues; but they still pissed me off and as a result, mom, who bears with me all the time, became the target of my wrath… I know it was really mean of me… But I guess I had lost it then and ended up barking my anger out… Mom was just listening and after hearing to my crap (which by the way deeply hurt her) for sometime, she just silently sobbed. She didn’t utter even a single word! It struck me big time. Had she hit me there and then, I would have felt a lot lighter and would not have been gripped by this guilt. But she just didn’t say anything and yet her face conveyed to me how hurt she was by my mean onslaught… Believe me, to this day, I have not been able to forgive myself for that.
On the other hand, if asked, my mom will not even remember those incidences. She is just too sweet to forgive me all the time. I guess moms are just this sweet! :) I wish I could grow up to be as sweet, as tolerant and as forgivable as her.
I am really very sorry Aai…
Hope this confession eases out that little corner of my heart from this weighty guilt…
The other day I was feeling very low. I was thinking about all the bad things that I have done so far. What conspicuously hit me were the two incidences when I yelled at my mom like a crazy dog… that too for no fault of hers. I remembered them distinctly because I also made her cry then… :(
I know children always take their mothers for granted. In a family like ours, my father, though is not a very strict person at all by nature had a different understanding with us. We used to talk to him a lot… I loved playing Chess with him. But I could never talk to him as a friend and goes without saying…. Could never take him “for granted”. On the other hand, my mother was always like a friend to me. I talked everything out to her… even my crushes!!! Guess that was the reason why I took her so much for granted…
I have had fights with my mom, but I made it a point never to yell at her, but for these two instances. They were not some big issues; but they still pissed me off and as a result, mom, who bears with me all the time, became the target of my wrath… I know it was really mean of me… But I guess I had lost it then and ended up barking my anger out… Mom was just listening and after hearing to my crap (which by the way deeply hurt her) for sometime, she just silently sobbed. She didn’t utter even a single word! It struck me big time. Had she hit me there and then, I would have felt a lot lighter and would not have been gripped by this guilt. But she just didn’t say anything and yet her face conveyed to me how hurt she was by my mean onslaught… Believe me, to this day, I have not been able to forgive myself for that.
On the other hand, if asked, my mom will not even remember those incidences. She is just too sweet to forgive me all the time. I guess moms are just this sweet! :) I wish I could grow up to be as sweet, as tolerant and as forgivable as her.
I am really very sorry Aai…
Hope this confession eases out that little corner of my heart from this weighty guilt…
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7 comments:
say helllo
Welll that is why Moms are moms..
you know I have been taking my parents granted for a long time now..both of them...sometimes I just can't stop myself taking my wrath out on them..I think I am gonna rot in hell for doing this.
@Nikhil...
Yea u r right!!! :)
@rambler...
I guess all children take parents for granted. But I just crossed my limits that day while taking my anger out on my mom... Guess we should take care that we don't do this while in an argument with our parents...
hmm.. . yeah, mothers are like that only.. they dont keep anything in their hearts against their own kids, even if the kids are utterly wrong!
but don't you think,by posting this instead of admitting your 'guilt' to ur mother,you are nothing but trying to gain sympathy? your mother is not gonna read this..
@archie...
Sympathy.... what for? For being rude to my own mom? You think anybody would sympathize with me for that?????
And by the way... I admitted my remorse to her already... It's just that my conscience doesn't allow me to come out of it...
rashmi, you have a potential to write. keep up the good job, keep exploring.
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